Uhhh.....today Jade asked me why I'm a totally different person in my blog. I told her I've a split personality. Haha okay. I just feel like expressing myself here. If I keep everything bottled up I'll be really quiet and crazy. Erm...like the first part of the year.

Anyway I was surfing youtube just now and I watched a clip about emo blobs. They are so freaking cute....and it was so emo it made my tear ducts tear. One of the blobs had a bubble over it, and it was giving a heart to another blob, and the bubble said "Please don't break this". Awww. Another good one was a picture of a sad blob who was holding a sign that read 'Hugs 5cents.' Sniffles. There was a scene where a crying blob went to the doctor holding a bowl which had a dead fish inside, and the doctor blob said "Your fish seems to have died of thirst.Have a band-aid and come back to see me in three weeks". That was so sad. Last one...heheh. In this scene, there were two blobs. It was raining, and the blob with the umbrella held it over the blob without an umbrella, and it said "If you get wet, you'll get sick." To watch it, just head over to youtube and type in MCR (I Don't Love You) emo blobs.

Maybe I'm a lonely girl in the middle of something I don't understand.How can you be happy when I'm dying inside because of you? Not tomorrow, not now...just yesterday I died because of you. I can't save you, I can barely save myself.The cuts in my skin are deep, but the cuts in my heart are even deeper. I hate you.

Feeling very emo now, coz I just didn't have time to finish my Maths. I don't want to disappoint myself. I feel so angry with Hanis. Why can't you do anything right, hanis?? You're so fucking stupid. You mess everything up. Everyone hates you for who you are. You are dumb and are not pretty enough for anyone. People lose hope on you. You can't even keep a friend or pass a motherfucking test. The past, the present, the future, what the hell matters??? You're going to die alone, and young. Noone will come to your funeral. You try so hard to be the person everyone wants you to be and you don't even care about what YOU want, then go on feeling pissed with yourself. Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun.

EEEE. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.
Today I wrote a poem.

Close to home but far away
In a broken land I've grown astray
A pool of blood has drawn me in
The line of envy, jealous sin
An opaque light shines through this hole
Unfeeling, invisible, but with no hope
I trudge on through this fiery water
Leaving behind all that's mortal
Somehow, somewhat, an angel will appear
In the form of death, unfeeling, unfeared
But for now, i'll just sleep and wait;
Waiting for death to lull me awake.


I really like it. Sigh.... it's such a sad day. Today I was so tempted to cry. It's just...I need an outlet. For all that's happened to me. My mom doesn't like me. At night, when she thinks I'm asleep, she goes to my bro's room and tells him that he must never end up like me. I can hear her. I never really rest. She's never really good enough for anyone. No wonder I wake up at 3am everyday. It's so....painful. I can't type anymore.

O yea..I watched another vide on youtube that made me cry. It's called smile. Go figure.

HATED REFLECTION.