I just bought a HUGE MCR poster. HUGE. Frank iero's eyes are nice, SIAW EE!!!!

I have accomplished a major feat. She's not talking to me. I don't know why. I keep apologising, but she's damn sensitive. Finally I thought that you know, FINE. If everything I say is wrong, I'd rather not say anything. I do vent my anger, but I keep a lot inside. She has hurt me a lot, but because she has been blessed with better social skills than me, she was able to make and keep more friends. plus I don't really tell her she has hurt me.HAHAHAHHA. Anyway...so I was like, I don't care if I mess up my life. I don't have as much friends as you. SO WHAT??? please. If you want revenge, think of a better way, can?? That way I can enjoy my life better. You are so BORING. I don't like BORING ppl. You used to be so fun. But now you're such a miss goody two shoes. so irritating.

I admit, I DO have an obsession wih revenge. I was never like this. When I was young, I was such a boring girl. I was so PERFECT. Top in class, class leader, top actress...and all achieved before I turned 8. I guess I felt popular then. But then, in primary three, my friends turned against me. (In the end, I found out that they overheard an untrue rumour that I was bitching on them) For ONE WHOLE year, they ignored me. I had recess in the toilet, I sat alone during class, I always got scolded during class coz I'm not paying attention. I was the social reject, coz my friends were pretty popular. I was the dud of the class. Primary three. I felt as though my lips were permanently sealed during that time. I was so quiet. I was the invisible kid. at the end of the year, my friends made up with me. I said it's fine, but in that one year, I grew up faster than most of my classmates. Coz when I was alone, I would spend time in the library, crying into a book at the back, and basically learning a lot of facts about the sufferings of the world. I was very morbid. But I didn't show it.

So I guess at this point I was already interested in dark stuff. Mainly coz I was alone all the time in primary three. But there are other factors...I shall try to mention a few here...

When I was about...nursery I guess.... I had my...2nd or 3rd birthday party in PAP. I was so psyched about it, they were all singing songs and eating my cake. It was one of the best parties I've ever had. My parents were there for a while. Then they left, abruptly. I didn't know why. I tried asking them but they never answered. so my birthday turned into a swimming pool coz I was crying for my parents. I told guys that I lived with my grandma for the first 5 years of my life, so seeing my parents was a luxury. I am still sad about that.

Another incident took place when I was in kindergarten. I was at home then, and my room had a small TV and it was facing the window. At night, I used to sleep with the door locked. So, one fateful night, I went to sleep. At approximately 3 am (I always look at the time when I wake up in the middle of the night), I woke up and saw the tv switching on and off. I saw news flashing-blood, death, gore. It turned off and on by itself. I was kinda freaked. But something else happened. At my window, I saw something red and black-something like a revived corpse, but it had horns and a huge mouth full of sharp teeth. It was laughing and it's rotted hands tried to reach through the window to grab me. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to run, but my legs felt heavy like never before. Eventually I gathered courage and unlocked the door, ran out.

That incident shook me so much, up till this day. IT'S NOT A DREAM. It was real. I wanna tell you one more before I go...

I used to have this doll that I absolutely loved. It was so sweet. I slept with it. But one day, as I was sleeping, my parents (I slept with my parents now coz I was so scared of my room) heard the doll crying out. Mama...mama....come with me....it was saying. My parents were so freaked they through the doll out of the window. In the morning, they told me that the doll was trying to wake me up. It was so scary, and my parents figured something wasn't right about me.

They called in a malay priest, an uztad, to bless my room. He went into my room and started throwing holy water around. It lasted for an hour, where he supposedly communicated with a 'penunggu'(means 'awaiting' in malay) spirit. After that, he came out and started blessing me. uhh..... I was like, huh??? Then he gave me holy water to drink. I drank that holy water for one whole year (uztad's orders). The uztad told me that there is a spirit that resides in my room. It is harmless, he said. He blessed me coz I'm supposedly the only person who can communicate with it. a penunggu spirit. An awaiting spirit. Waiting for what? me?

I guess that was true. I seem to be the only one who can hear it's footsteps in the middle of the night, the only person who sees it's long, flowing, hair and white gown. Sometimes she gives me support when I need it, like when my grandpa died. I remember that time when I was so stressed and so sad coz my friends ditched me, and suddenly I saw a tray of warm vanilla milk appear out of nowhere (my fav). I was scared coz I heard stories of where ppl accept food from spirits and become possesed by them. While I was feeling scared, the tray suddenly disappeared. It's scary. Then when I got a new handphone, this happened last year, I always switch it off at night and put it under my pillow. I haven't taken much pictures yet. Then in the morning, I checked my pics for fun. Then, in 'downloaded images', I saw a pic of this young gal. Not me. Scary huh?