Today was Teacher's Day, as you all know.

I had a really good time today, and most of it took place when I went back to primary school. Most of my friends were there, and I had such a good time just LOOKING at them, trying to notice any change.I smiled so effortlessly and the day was a breeze. Amazingly, my friends didn't appear to have changed at all. They were the same old, bubbly and fun ppl as I have remembered them as. I was also the old me, not caring, the happy-go-lucky person that I was. When I forgot about grades, secondary school homework and drama, life seemed so easy.

It just occured to me that I felt so free because the more I commit myself to, the heavier I feel, no matter whether it makes me happy or not. So I was grabbed by this insane desire to grab the closest primary school student I see and tell them to treasure this moment, this point in their lives forever. I didn't bring a camera, but I captured my return to primary school in my heart. It's stupid, but I felt like crying really badly then.I can't believe I'd let all of these experiences slip through my fingers like water... once it'd splashed to the floor, I couldn't scoop them up again.

When I walked the corridors of my old school.... the feeling of lost reappeared again. It's not much about the place, but I longed for the carefreeness...the feeling of love.

I remember the day when I saw you... you were just another boy then.... but you started giving me deep, searching looks...I would sometimes turn around only to catch you staring at me lovingly..... but you never broke your gaze on mine. You would give me the lovely crooked smile I love so much.... and blush a little..... but you never looked away. You never did.

I remember the times when you sneaked into my class just to see me.... and you would stay there for a whole period unnoticed, ... I remember the time when you would take the long way around to the toilet (many many times during one hour) just to look at me studying. If there was a time I would like to relive again in my entire life... it was the time when you were looking at me from a distance, while I was stuck in my class..... and our eyes met, for a fraction of a second, although it felt like years, I was mesmerized by your gaze.... by the chemistry that fed off your body..... I couldn't look away... I always wanted to ask you...if you felt it too? That pull between us... Then you smiled, and I feel that smile every time I'm alone.

You never looked at the flag during assembly... I could feel your piercing, warm gaze at the back of my neck...staring at my hair...my face...I felt beautiful. I remember that you used to touch my back with the gentlest of pressures... brush my shoulder so slightly.... or tug on my curls when you thought I wasn't looking...

I remember how you like to say my name again and again,... everyday.... I never was quite able to appreciate how sweetly and softly you say it at that time... you were the reason why I woke up everyday looking forward to school.... I remember how you would try to stop me in the corridor with your arms... and I would grasp your wrist to let me go...and feel that comforting electricity flow beneath your skin...

Noone can say my name the way you say it... noone can replace that smile I've lost so long ago.... I remember the red jacket you liked to wear... and the smell of it smells like the rain.... I remember the time when you sneaked into the library and said 'Hanis...' over and over again while the teacher was teaching....

But most of all I remember the time when you whispered "I love you.."... on that rainy day, with your red jacket, your light-brown windblown hair... and the lovely crooked smile I adore so much.

You never got to hear my response.

But what I wanted to say was this...
"I love you too."