Letter One.

I felt like I knew you even before we met. Your easy smile and laughter never fails to brighten up my day, and make the dark clouds of my life shy away from your happiness. We started out as friends, and now I have no more secrets from you. You don't have any from me, either, because you didn't know it then. I was a fool not to see this coming.

But you were there to hold my hand when everything else hurt, you were there to catch my tears when they fall, you were there to whisper encouragement when nothing felt alright. And you were there to shush me to sleep before I cried.

I rose under your guidance, I blossomed under your care. I became stronger than I ever thought I could be, all because of you. I liked your constant presence, and when you left, I basked in the sweetness of the thought that you would come back.It was truly an unforgettable experience in those days, those lovely times where I managed to delude myself that you would be there forever.

I remember you telling me that if you had to, you would leave. I always thought I had accepted that fact until the day came when you really left, and it dawned on me then that I never was prepared for this, because my entire subconscious could not take that amount of pain.

I suffered. It came to a point when I felt like throwing away everything that reminded me of you, and burning everything deep within my soul. It is true: There is a thin line between love and hate. Yes, I cried. I had nightmares...again. But this time, I didn't wake up at 3 in the morning, clutching my blanket, muffling silent screams like I usually did. And then it occurred to me: Deliberately, you have made me stronger. Again. Was this what you were always aiming for? I'd like to believe you weren't.

How ironic. I always thanked you countless times, gushed about you in front of my friends, about how you cheer me up on the darkest of times, and how you toughen me up for the challenges of tomorrow. I didn't realize that those words uttered then... they seem truer now than ever. A writer betrayed by her own words.

I know now that I don't hate you after all. I hated myself. But through it all, I still love you. Underneath everything I do, I still and always will love you. I think about your brothers and how they have supported me throughout the years, how they have coped with your ever-changing attitude. And now I know how. Because they love you as much as I do too. Your bond with them is unbreakable and permanent. Just like the way my heart is set.

I used to cry, but not any more. I vowed I'd remember your words; "To Sleep Before You Cry." Life seems horribly empty without your presence, and vacant. It smells like the way an old, rotting house in the woods smells. Dusty. And vacant. I loved the smell of someone in my life. It was you. It smelled like rain. I know you won't come back, but when someone else tears my attention away and turns the world upside down, then will I be able to remember the way rain smells like again.

I would never have admitted it, but I confess it now. There are two quotes that are extremely significant in this letter, taken from my favorite series, Twilight.

"Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" -Edward Cullen, New Moon.
"Because I've noticed that some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves." -Isabella Swan, Eclipse.

Thanks for making me into what I am today. I feel much more confident to get through life and be myself. You haven't filled up every hole in me yet, but you pretty much covered it up for the time being, to make it look like it is already healed.

Delusions. That's what binds us together. Your flaws and mine.

For the last time,

thanks.




Letter two.

This is a much more trivial and down to earth kinda thing, not much related to the first letter. I thought you were fun at first, but then I realize you were pretty boring. Now I know why most ppl don't like you. yes I know that, even if I am from another school. Your schoolmates are always like, "Uh... you're hanging out with HER??" I ignored it at first, coz you were my friend. You took what you wanted, but I don't really care anymore. You're such a fickle friend, and I can't see myself with you. You're WAY too high-maintenance. I can't blame you, I guess.

If there's one thing he taught me, it's delusions. And you are VERY delusional. I tried talking it out, but your attitude gets in the way. So I'm not gonna rip myself up further because of this stupid thing. this is the best way to make sure that neither of us are on bad terms. Thank god you're in another school. i don't have to see you much then. Haha. I don't even know WHY I'm writing this... you don't even know I have a blog. Just gotta let it out, I guess.

I'm stronger now. Not so strong as in I could take what you're throwing at me,but strong enough to know that I'd have to let you go.

Sorry. But I can't apologise much when it's who you are. That's the most I can say.

Not friends. I'd like to think of us more as... good acquaintences.

BYE!!!

XD XD XD XD