PArched. Hot. Sweaty.

Three words that describe how I felt during the concert.

Awesome. Rocked up. Absolutely beautiful.

Three words that describe how MCr was during the concert.

So this was what happened, in sequence.

Natalie and Siaw Ee, god bless them, waited for about 8 or 9 hours outside the Max Pavilion. I came at 7.30... and why? Coz I was stuck touring Jurong Bird Park and the Zoo with my malaysian cousin. Gah. But when I came, they had a huge surprise. words can never express what they did for me. Natalie had somehow acquired a Q-jumpa and sacrificed it for ME.

The moment was so OMGOSH.

So I waddled inside the MAx Pavilion, looking sorely out of place with a white teddy bear clutched in my arms. And the stage was...great. The backdrop was black and white, with the words My Chemical Romance splashed on it. I could hear MCr practicing backstage, Gerard's sweet voice drifting over the audience. However hard I try might, I couldn't recognize the songs he sang. But I had a pretty good view, 'cept that there were about 3 to 4 rows of ppl in front of me, and they were TALL. (Oh yeah- they were throwing blown-up condoms around-haha)

So for the next hour, I was trying hard to slide myself to the front whenever there was an open space. And when all the seats had been filled up, My Chemical Romance came on. I stood on my tiptoes trying to catch a glimpse of them, but right at that moment, I got a dose of my first moshpit moment.

Some asshole pushed us, and since we were packed as tightly as a can of sardines, it created a domino effect and I was being pushed from the right to the left, and vice versa. It was crazy and scary. After I'd managed to stabilize myself, someone on my right fell down, and thus I lost my balance and fell down to. I panicked that noone would see me, so I pulled down other ppl with me... which made other ppl fall down and it created a huge circle of falling bodies in the front middle of the stage.

But horror of horrors, since ppl were falling on top OF me, i couldn't exactly be seen. I noticed that everyone had managed to get up except for me. I screamed and yelled, and at one point, I remember I shouted with all my strength, "MCR!" and "Gerard!", not out of excitement, but pure fear. I looked up, and there was it- the moment I'd been waiting for my entire life- Gerard happened to LOOK straight at me. He was so close that I could see the eyeliner ringing his eyes and the new gorgeous hair that he now sports. It lasted for about two seconds, but right after that some guy pulled me up. I know I said, "Thank You," but I'm not sure if it was for Gerard or the Unnamed guy.

The song that was currently playing was 'This Is How I disappear'. It then flowed right into the next song-'Dead!'. Gerard asked for the crowd to jump up and down... shit. It was mayhem. I was so small, and I was in the middle of really tall Caucasians and behind me were a group of rowdy boys. They pushed and shoved at me, and I couldn't breathe. I suddenly realized that I couldn't do this. I didn't come here to think about ways of how to survive the night, I came here to enjoy MCR performing live.

But another selfish part of my brain screamed at me to not be a wimp and just bloody DO this. And another part of my brain was screaming back- "I can't feel RELIEVED when MCr finishes performing live! I have to feel satisfied and happy! But I can't do that if I'm practically DYINg out here!" But then it started again. The pushing and the shoving. This time, I could see who did it, and so did everybody else. So a fight started right in front of me, and I was yelling "STOP STOP!!!!!!" and eventually they did. Then I got a break of luck.

Some guy mistook me for his girlfriend and pulled me to the front. WOW. And I saw MCR playing some song. I couldn't concentrate on what song they were playing though. When I saw them, it was like... WOAH. Kinda like falling in love. I was practically drooling over the REALNESS of it all. I mean, I know it sounds corny, but i'm sure you understand what I mean by "So near and yet so far". I yearned to reach out and touch them, to make sure this isn't just a dream,but I couldn't. Frank looked so petite and cute next to wiry, tall Mikey Way. Mikey kept shaking his recent uncut, long hair left to right.

Bob... haha. He was just pummeling the drums and really concentrating on them, too. I don't think I ever saw him look up. Ray was fun to watch. His nice puffy afro was eating his face and he kept throwing it back and forth. It was a kinda reddish brown colour, so it really stood out against the black and white backdrop. And Gerard...sigh. He was being Gerard. Boy, does he know how to get the audience's attention. He licked his hand and pretended to spray the 'saliva' from it to the crowd, like a really wet air kiss. I was smiling the whole time I watched his spasticness. And there was another time where he went all the way to the front, really close to me, too, and shook his butt really slowly. OOOOOO.

I hurt all over from the last fall, but when I saw MCr like that, i forgot the pain and I involuntary laughed and smiled. Adrenaline rush, I guess. And uh, I really tried to listen to what Gerard was saying, but I couldn't concentrate. Sounded something like.. "blublablashashere..have to help ppl who are falling down...blablalalashusheretayer..." And just as I was starting to enjoy the atmosphere of sweat and adrenaline, some bastard pushed me back, and I fell. I remembered that this time, I couldn't fall to the ground and whimper like a baby. I yelled "BITCH FAGGOT!!!! FUCKING BASTARD LAH YOU FUCKED UP SHITHEAD!!!ASSHOLE!!!" Or something like that.

So what I did was what gerard strictly prohibited- violence. I mercilessly bit, scratched and kicked people's feet. I used the fabric of their shirts and uh yeah, the guy's hair to pull me up. Must have hurt. but there was no time to bask in that success , for when I got up, they pushed me again, only this time it was from all sides. My ribs were being crushed, and I honestly couldn't breathe. I grabbed some random girl and I told her that I needed to get out NOW.

She was really nice and said "yeah yeah sure." She then enlisted the help of a couple of other malay guys and they helped to push me forward and kept ppl from banging into me. I couldn't breathe... and I finally made it to the front, where a guy helped me up and pushed me into the arms of a bodyguard.

And yes, I was pretty much half-unconscious and they put me down at the off-side of the stage where some people gave me oxygen. I could hear the music, I think it was I Don't Love You, but I couldn't really focus much. My legs were throbbing from where people had stepped on them, but after the rest, and a bottle of cold water later, I felt better.

Then I watched MCR from the side where I was resting and I knew this was where I was supposed to be. Without having to worry about people trying to kill me and how to get revenge on those assholes who take advantage of my small size, I could actually ENJOY the concert. So, with the oxygen in my nose and a makeshift pillow behind me, i eventually reduced to tears. I'm so glad I came here, and however much I do NOT want to be caught in that moshpit again, I would do anything for mCr. gerard then sang "sleep" and it was, I might add, the most tear-jerking, most beautiful song he sang that night.

I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy the song, but my eyes were glued to the band. I memorized every detail of that night, even though time moved WAY too fast. I felt like all the seconds were smashing together and I couldn't separate them. I saw them on the stage, and for a very long moment there, I thought I was dreaming. MCr has always been more of a fantasy to me, Gerard himself has said so that ppl tend to write fanfiction or stories starring them because their band contained such a fantasy element. But then they were so real. So near and yet so far.

I can't believe that I was in the same room as MCR. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. I couldn't believe it. And right at that moment, I felt like the luckiest girl alive. Fuck everyone else. I thought I was the only person in the room. It was truly a magical moment. I wasn't even putting effort into my crying, the tears were flowing freely. The paramedic kept asking me if I was alright, and my throat was so parched I could only nod.

After a pretty version of 'Helena' (I was out for the most part of Welcome To The Black parade and Mama- that was the time when I fainted), the last song was.... I don't know. Oh yeah. I think Teenagers. I'm not sure... I think I'm getting the order of the songs mixed up. but I was definitely unconscious for Mama, a bit of i Don't Love You, and as I've said, Welcome To The Black Parade. Oh yes, and they got a piano for the songs Sleep and Cancer. Absolutely stunning.The piano notes wafted sweetly and so TOGETHER with the guitars and drums...and his voice.

Then Gerard suddenly said 'GOODNIGHT SINGAPORE!' and with the mike above his head, walked out the right side of the stage. I was stunned. MCR NEVER ended things like this. Not like this. Apparently the audience realized that, too, and screamed "ENCORE! ENCORE!ENCORE!" as if they were chanting. I quickly got up and joined the crowd again, ignoring the poor paramedics who took care of me. After a few minutes, Gerard got out again. I smiled and smiled until my muscles ached.

What happened next was a surprise. If there was a song I'd want him to sing live, again and again, it would be the song he sang. He asked us to wave our hands and we did. It's weird how you just obey whatever gerard asks you to do. I've been wanting to hear him sing this song the first time I heard it. The Desert Song.

I was crying and I couldn't stop. The guitar was stunning and his voice sounded better than usual. It was so enchantingly sweet, I thought I would get diabetes. Yes- that was the word to describe how I felt then. ENCHANTED. truly. The song was slow and melodic and Gerard's voice was powerful and it hit all the right notes.

When the song ended, I felt like it was still ringing in my ears. so earth-shattering was the impact of the song. And the final song was... no surprises there... Famous Last Words. But this time, when Gerard asked me to jump, I did. I obeyed. I held up my hand in that universal punk rock sign and started jumping up and down. I AM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING... I AM NOT AFRAID TO WALK THIS WORLD ALONE... Somehow I think that if me, natalie, siaw ee and chat hadn't split up, I would have done fine, knowing that there would be someone looking after me. But I was alone. And it scared me.

But all in all, although I think that the concert was too short, and time flew WAY too fast, and the fact that I was not whooly satisfied, no, not with MCR, no, but I wasn;t satisfied with me. I know I made the right choice, getting help to get out, but my pride tells me I should have stuck there. It was so bloody embarassing, fainting in front of MCr. Urgh.

Just one last thing to say.

FUCK YOU COZ YOU GUYS WEREN'T THERE TO WITNESS THE FUCKING MOST GODDAMNED BEST FUCKING CONCERT IN THE WORLD. I actually feel sorry for those who didn't go.

HAHa.

I LOVE MCR. Thanks again.